It’s all the things I want to control.  My job, my music, my finances; I want all of these to be under my complete control.  And I fool myself into thinking that if I could only work harder, try harder, know more, that I could do that.

The fact of the matter is that I never really have control to begin with.  With anything, other than my own person.  Sometimes, not much of that either!

God knows and controls all of these things.  And if I am doing what He has asked me to do, then I will be ok.  Might not be easy or fun, but it will be ok.  Check Romans 8.  Or Matthew 6.

I wish this was easier; but then it wouldn’t be as valuable.

As some of you no doubt saw these past few days on my Twitter feed, my grandmother passed away on Friday after a massive stroke.  I still don’t know what to think or do, even after her memorial service last night.

The biggest shock for me was the fact that my grandparents visited over Christmas and all was well.  Nothing really hinted at the future.

But what I really want to say is how fragile and precious this life is.  That we can be fine one minute and gone the next.  I think we forget that in our day-to-day stuff.

And also how utterly unfair and cruel death is.  I haven’t experienced many family members passing away yet.  But I believe God made us to be with one another forever, and every time someone leaves this world I’m angry and upset.  I don’t want to say goodbye, even if I know that we will be together again in Heaven, because I shouldn’t have to.  People for whom we care about that deeply should be with us, not gone.  And the only explanation I can find is that we were not made to say goodbye.

So, I don’t know if there is a point to this post.  Today is just an outpouring of my many emotions from this weekend.  Just never take for granted this fragile life.

[ Photo by Son of Groucho ]

So, what happens when you are in the midst of a struggle?

You do all you can.  You fight for it.

This can be said of any struggle really.  At least any struggle that truly matters.  (Figuring out the difference between important ones and unimportant ones is another matter)

When the job is on the line, you do whatever it takes to make it work.  When a life is at stake, you do all you can.  When you see something that needs to be changed, you do all you can.

As someone once told me, “Just take the next step.  Do the next thing.”  You may not know where you are going.  But you can see where you’ve been and where God looks like He’s taking you.  Go that way.  Move towards that.  Keep getting better at your craft.  Keep refining yourself.  Even when the road looks like a dead end, there is something you can do.  Sometimes that something is to wait, but there is always something.

Go forward with confidence, and go with God.  He can tell you where to go, but He doesn’t make you do it.

Time to step up.

[ Image by rbrwr ]

One thing I’ve been realizing lately is that awareness by itself is not enough.

It is not sufficient to just be aware of a problem.  If I am aware that I have cancer and yet do nothing to kill and destroy it, the cancer will still kill me.  Only when I take action against the cancer does it ever go away.

Raising awareness is good.  Knowing your enemy is good.  These things will prepare you for the battle.

But there is still a battle.

As it says in a song I like, “How can you expect to win this war if you’re too afraid to fight.”  And the fight will be hard, but it is better than not fighting at all.

Be aware.  But also take right action.

[ Image by mendhak ]

Sometimes the way forward is just that; forward.  Sometimes the next thing you need to do is the thing that you should have been doing all along.  Most times, we know where the next step is, we just don’t want to take it.  We feel like we can’t, or aren’t allowed, or shouldn’t.  We just need to start walking in that direction.

I play music.  It’s something I’ve loved since I was in grade school.  I’ve played in bands at church before, but recently I haven’t been playing.

Here’s the thing: I have been given a talent from God to play music.  It’s something that I am passionate about, and I love playing music.  But lately I haven’t been using my gifts.

Now, for a time, taking a break is fine.  But to not use the gifts God has given you is bad.  You lose something about yourself when you don’t use your gifts.

This past month, I started using my gifts again by getting involved in a new band at my church.  And it feels great!  I don’t know why I waited so long to get back into playing.

So here’s the point.  You all have talents and gifts from God that you can use.  Are you using them?  You can’t keep your gifts and talents to yourself and stay whole.  You have gifts and talents for a reason.

Move towards using them.  Move forward with your task.  Take the next step.

[ Image by carnavalet ]

Going about my usual blog reading, I was reading this post (which linked to this Mashable post).  Great thoughts.  I’d like to add a few.

Video games are the movies of the next generation.  Games can suck you into their worlds so easily, it’s not even funny.  I remember playing Star Wars:Knights of the Old Republic for days and days, totally immersed in the story.  I think that game might be one of the reasons I like writing stories so much.

But as much of a bad rap as these games get, they do teach us something.  They keep our minds active (and now with the Wii, the rest of us too!), they make you solve problems, they make you work with others.  These are all very important in the working world.  Use this to your advantage.

As an aside, I know there are games out there that are over the top.  All things in moderation.

What have games taught you?